The Green Hummer invades the suburbs on Earth Day

Early on Earth Day morning, Stephen walked from his new apartment to Sixpence, unlocked the Hummer and rode it back to Headquarters.

At noon, Anna and Andrew, two of the people who had seen the Hummer on Bull Street, and their friend Tristan, came by. Stephen was getting the Green Hummer ready for its last ride: the spare tires, some tools, checking the air pressure.

Mae and Primo arrived shortly after. And the Green Hummer was off!

The crew took the Hummer South down Howard Lane to Park Avenue and east to Bull Street. The crew was headed for the bike lane on Habersham Street, but Bull Street is a nice ride up to Victory Drive. There was a short stop at 41st Street to switch out bikes at Stephen’s new apartment, then on to the Mall!

It’s easy to spot the suburbanites downtown: They walk in the street, not used to sidewalks. They don’t make eye contact or return a hello, even in this friendly little city. They hold video cameras out of car windows instead of experiencing the town. Now the Green Hummer was headed to their turf to see what would happen.

Habersham Street has a bike lane on both sides all the way to Stephenson Avenue. Stephenson continues the bike lane to Hodgeson Memorial, where the bike lane dissolves for a mile or so. There’s a nice bike lane past this intersection, snaking through suburban neighborhoods south to the newer Savannah Mall. If you venture east or west from this point, though, you’re taking your chances. Unless you have a particularly tough vehicle, like a Hummer.

The weather was beautiful for Earth Day. It wasn’t as hot as it probably should have been, which was nice for riding a 200-plus pound bike around.

After switching drivers twice, the Green Hummer made it to the Oglethorpe Mall. It took one hour and ten minutes before the Green Hummer was parked at the Food Court entrance, about twice as long as a normal bike ride. 

The Green Hummer crew, having ridden out to the Mall on a bike the size of an H2, wasn’t content to just hang out by the bike rack at the entrance. It was time to do something a little more pro-active. An effect of America’s automobile culture is the elimination of true public space. Sure, the roadways are public, but what kind of interaction can there be on this type of thoroughfare? Thousands and thousands of people pass through these intersections, but you can’t talk to them. In Savannah, the weather for most drivers goes from heater to air-conditioning in a span of a week. The tinted windows keep people even more isolated, and that’s that. In fact, drivers couldn’t stop to talk to anyone if they wanted to under these conditions.

So, the crew decided to go into the Mall, even though soliciting of any kind is against the ‘Code of Conduct’:

The crew imagined being kicked out of the Mall -or better yet, banned for a year- or at least hoped for a voice interrupting the smooth jazz for a plea for the Hummer’s removal. Unfortunately, nothing happened. The crew didn’t get away with soliciting in the Mall before being run off by ‘security’. Soliciting just isn’t easy out here. Approaching suburbanites in a Mall on Friday afternoon seems to scare them. People don’t seem to know how to respond to a stranger talking to them. And no one seemed to care if we tried.

The Hummer crew got bored and left. The streets seemed to be a better way to get people’s attention in urban sprawl after all.

Back down the bike route to Montgomery Crossroads, in the fast lane to make a safer entrance into the left turn lane. Hodgeson Memorial Drive isn’t as busy, and is a four-lane road, making passing the Green Hummer easier for the mid-afternoon traffic.

The Green Hummer rode into Sonic, the drive-through fast food place next to the car wash. The crew didn’t want to mess up the ride, so they ordered and ate at one of the picnic tables in the middle. Due to a misunderstanding over the speaker, two of the crew members accidentally ordered “route 44” drinks: 44 ounces of soda for 44 cents. Whew! What if you drank that much syrup and drove?! Fast food is easier to handle knowing that you’re biking and the calories will be used, but 44 ounces of soft drink is excessive. Luckily, H2s are equipped with substantial cup holders.

After lunch, the crew debated where to go next. After some discussion, they decided to ride down Montgomery Crossroads to the new Wal-Mart. If you’re going to drive an H2 in the suburbs, you have to go to Wal-Mart.

Hanging out in the Wal-Mart parking lot wasn’t as cool as thought, either. People didn’t seem to notice the pedal-powered Hummer sitting in front of the store. If they did notice, they didn’t dare approach. Downtown, people are approaching the Green Hummer all the time. Maybe the loss of public space in the outer ring of cities has deadened people’s response to out-of-the-ordinary events. Maybe driving in a sealed vehicle to a mega store with self-checkouts has made people not even consider interacting with others. Or maybe that big blank wall makes the Hummer look kinda small.

Worse yet, there were no managers, security, or even regular associates giving us a hard time about parking a big bike right up in front of the fire exits. However, a couple of cart collectors hung out with the crew for a little while. One, with the blue hat and the blue vest in the background, wanted to ride but was afraid he’d get fired. The orange vested employee was not afraid.

The only trouble in the Wal-Mart parking lot was a lecture by a military guy driving through who said that because the Hummer had a ‘casing’, it could not function as a bicycle on the street. He was not impressed by what Georgia law states, and eluded that the roads on the Southside were his, and that the Savannah Police department didn’t know shit.

Admittedly, part of the excitement of the ride to the Southside was the revenge aspect of taking over the streets. All of the crew members on Earth Day ride regularly through this area. In fact, Mae and Primo commute to downtown. Most rides in this area involve a few honks, some random yelling and flipping off, and sometimes a threat, either vocal or vehicular. The Green Hummer hardly ever had such response downtown. In the Southside, there were many displays of bad attitude, but still a lot of waving, friendly honking, and thumbs up while people were driving. But somehow drivers’ responses were cooler. People outside of their cars, in the parking lots, were colder.  Even the responses of the people in charge were cooler than expected. Maybe the next project should be much more aggressive....

To avoid pedaling through Montgomery Crossroads traffic a second time, the Green Hummer made a quick right off the busy four/five lane road and on to Sally Mood, a calmer street. The plan backfired, however, as there were no places to pull over. Not long after turning, the Green Hummer was pulled over by two police cars. One pulled in front, one behind. The officers came out of their cars, and almost simultaneously asked, “What the hell is this?” The crew explained the Green Hummer, how it steered, and answered the usual questions they get from tourists. After checking it out, they explained how the Hummer shouldn’t block traffic. The crew responded that there were no places to pull over because of the park and lake. The officers suggested that the crew take less busy roads, but conceded that Sally Mood was a better choice than Montgomery Crossroads at 4:00 pm, and that if there were any ‘good’ roads for biking in the Southside, this was probably it. They wished us a safe ride home, and left.

On the way home, the crew decided to take the Hummer through one more drive-through. There’s a McDonald’s in a plaza that makes a good shortcut back to the bike lane. The girl at the microphone seemed to like our ride. All five crew members got some water, and cruised to a good big parking spot.

In the lot, there was a real H2. Note the SUV-only parking area. Also note how the owner of the H2 found a parking spot that is completely safe for the vehicle. No door dings here! The H2 was not immune to receiving a GHP tag under a wiper, though. After the crew was done with their water, and were moving out, the family of the H2 came by. They didn’t seem very happy.

The last ride of the Green Hummer had drawn to a close. The crew made it back to Headquarters, about five minutes after a strong spring thunderstorm started. It was a memorable way to end the Green Hummer’s adventures; the only time that the Green Hummer crew was rained on: the last five minutes of 25 rides and 153 miles in the perfect suv.